TO YOU | 22.12.15

To you, 

I wish the pain that was caused in your life wasn't real. 

I wish the pain that caused you to change our lives never occurred. 

Each day, each month and each year passes where I still don't understand why. 

As I get older, I learn more everyday. 

I learn that the pain you dealt with every day was something I would never wish on anybody. 

I wish that you were still apart of our lives, even if it was only a little. 

I can still picture your tanned skin, your white teeth and your big smile. 

I can still hear your voice nd the way you would laugh.

I remember the memories of being young, new years eve and you taking us by the Sydney Harbor Bridge to see the fire works. 

I still have the memories. 

I still have the memory of being told you were gone. 

I didn't understand.

I'll never understand. 

I will never begin to forgive the reason you went away. 

I will never begin to understand the pain you felt. 

I am sorry. 

I am sorry that we could never help you. 

I am sorry that you felt no other option. 

I love you. 

Always. 

EMBRACING THE HOLIDAYS | 19.12.15

"No matter how painful distance can be, not having you in my life would be worse" 

Christmas growing up was always such an exciting day. I loved all the food and presents. My parents always made sure christmas was one day of the year where the day was literally magic. I always loved seeing my family and we always had a huge lunch and life was great. It was always so hot that the day was spent with wet cloths over us or in the swimming pool. 

This year is going to be a tad different. I did not really consider it before i left. I guess it was such a "long" time away until christmas so it wasn't really a thought when processing the choices of leaving. Now when I say this, now that I'm older christmas isn't as much for me as it use to be. I still love the tree, the lights and the happiness it brings but this year, its not the same. 

I could have all the gifts I want but theres nothing like waking up christmas morning to your family. This year will be different. I won't be in my home. I won't be with my family. I appreciate though, what they do for me all year round. I appreciate the effort and time they put into my happiness. It may be a difficult time of year but I know I can do this. 

I missed out on our family lunch recently. I am missing out on quiet a bit being away but I'm happy. Im overall happy. I can't thank the people I met here more because of that. They are the reason that everyday I can get up and process my thoughts. No one really makes you aware of the true pain that comes along with being so far away but for those who are reading this and may choose to move away or follow a career, relationship or just life choice, know that each day is a blessing. Its okay to be sad or hurting but you will get through it and it will ease. 

Overall just spend time with people who care. Find those in your life that make you feel like you can tackle life front on and you may come up bruised and sore but its okay. 

This year due to plans changing and fate taking a different path, christmas won't be the same. Thats okay. I am not going to say I'm going to be "alone" because there will be people around but i will not be "celebrating" christmas this year. 

Christmas day will be another day for me this year and thats okay. I have been extremely blessed with 20 years of beautiful christmas days. Those are the memories i will keep not this one.

EMBRACE | 12.12.15

" Theres nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be...." 

- John Lennon 

Somedays I wake up and have to re-inform my self where I am, what I'm doing with life and where i've been. I am a huge believer in "everything happens for a reason". I believe that no matter what your circumstance, bad or good, you have a purpose. I think as humans, negativity is such a big part of lives. I, myself, am guilty of looking at certain situations in such a negative way, when i should be looking at what positives may come out of it. I have started asking myself, oh what good can come out of this moment or day?

Today, I was sitting at the local Starbucks doing some writing an i kind of looked up, seen how busy it was and was like wow, when did it get so busy in here? Its amazing how easy we can tune out of the moment. I also think, as humans, we do this in life. Its easy to loose purpose and stop embracing it. Its easy to tune out and ignore the road in front of you. It could be the fact you know its going to be a hard road or its a road you prefer not to take, but remember that this road is placed in front of you for a reason.

Every road that life throws in front of you should be a positive. Every road is a way for you to form, you. Look back at all the struggles you have gone through? would you change some? of course. But the question is, would you be the person you are today if you didn't go through those struggles? Its only been recently where i've started changing the way i see things but, its changed my life.

You make your day the way it needs to be. Yes, there is people out there that intend on just making life hard but tomorrows a new day. Tomorrow is a new beginning. Tomorrow is a new page in your book of life.

Never regret a moment or a memory, embrace them. 

THOUGHTS | 3.12.15

"The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking" - Albert Einstein

In today's society, processing the thoughts of people can be hard for others. You wonder why someone does what they do, think what they do or say what they do. But, when you consider your own thoughts, its not until you say them out loud, you realize that how different they can be and you start to realize why you actually have those thoughts. A thought pattern is built on opinion or feelings. These thoughts normally form from something that may happen, something you may read, see or listen to. In today's society, their is so many views on what your meant to be, do with your life or what your meant to achieve. 

Everyday society has a new expectation that your meant to obey and achieve. 

Everyday i learn something new. I am in a new country, new town, new community. Coming here, I was still finding me. I will still trying to work out where i fit in, what i was meant to be doing with life and who was i meant to fill my life with. I learnt, slowly, that life is what you make it. It took me awhile to remember that its okay that i am not the same as everyone else.. I cant even say that the last 3 months has changed my thought process, its been the last week. 

My thought process and the way i look at life has changed dramatically in a week. Its like a found "peace" with me. In the last week, i've finally accepted my past, my struggles but most of all me. 

It took a particular moment in my life to redirect me but i've found it. I haven't felt more than positivity and happiness since the moment i accepted myself. I believe by accepting myself, I'm accepting what i'm meant to do with my life. I truly cant explain the changes but I know I was put on this earth to change lives. I know that my goals in life will be accomplished by believing in who I am becoming. 

“Lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at you.”

- David Brinkley

The day you accept yourself is the day you accept your past, struggles and most of all future. Its the day you find the beginning of a life you can direct. It is becoming a part of a society that consist of you. You can accept yourself more, if you accept thats it is ok being alone.. The best company you can have is your own. 

BEING THANKFUL | 1.12.15

A year from now you will wish you had started today. 

- Karen Lamb

Today is the day I stop worrying about the past and focus on the now. 

Today, I have been here 12 weeks. To me its flown by and to some its staggered. I will say there has been some days where life feels like its not going my way and its only recently that I've realized that, I'm okay. In the last 12 weeks, my life has changed more than i could ever "planned" for it too... At the moment, I'm like what is life? It was only 2 nights ago that i fully realized how blessed i truly am to be given this opportunity to become ME. 

Truthfully, I lost myself for a awhile... I knew what my dreams, goals and aspirations were but i had excuses. Now I don't. 

Coming here, was one of the hardest, strongest, bravest, scariest thing in my life. But i wake up and I realize by me being here, Im becoming me. This year, will teach me things i could never have learnt in 12 months back home. This year, will continue to bring the best out of me. This year, will bring me life friends. I know that this year will continue to have its hard days. But I'm changing my attitude and only being thankful for what i have. When i look at my life, i know that i can only go up. 

I had an experience recently that like hit me. It wasn't something i thought would affect me the way it did... In saying it affected me, it was only for the better. Its like i found something that i was really missing in my life. It wasn't a friend or guy, it was something inside me. Something that i don't know how to really explain? Life is changing for me everyday and with it thriving with positivity, I'm okay that i have no control. 

Sometimes in life, its about letting fate take you where your meant to be. 

For those who are in my everyday life, thank you. 

For those family members who love me everyday, thank you. 

For the people who have formed the person i am today, thank you. 

For those who gave me struggles, thank you. 

For those who get me through the struggles, thank you. 

For those who fought for my freedom, thank you. 

For those who stand by me, thank you.

For those around the world who read my blog, thank you. 

For those who watch over me, everyday. I can't say thank you like i wish i could. I hope your watching over me as i write this and know that I love you and I miss you. I hope that, in whatever way, I am making you proud and continue to make you proud. I hope you continue to watch over those I love. 

My biggest goal, My daily goal in life; is to make those who love and support me, proud. If i can do that, Im succeeding. 

EMOTIONS | 13.11.15

13.11.15

It's about 9:03pm as i am writing this and I just got off Skype with someone i miss everyday! But chatting with her, made me realize the raw emotion that has been sitting deep down and i have finally let it be free.

I can still see the day i turned away from my mum. The lead up too it all, i was really confident and i can truly say i wasn't even nervous? I was just really ready!

We were sitting down having some breakfast, watching the screen click over and my emotions were still really calm! Then i looked up and it was 9am. I looked at my mum, laurel and michaela, I smiled and said its time!

I stood up, still feeling confident and good! Then i hugged both Michaela and Laurel said my goodbyes and hugs!

BUT, then i turned to my mum. I still TODAY, can feel in my heart; the sadness. When i hugged her and was saying goodbye, it felt like someone had ripped a part of me away! i broke down in tears and i hugged my mum tighter than ever!

It was at that moment, i realized i was actually leaving. I was actually going to the other side of the outside, without MY MUM! Heartache. Everyday of my life, i have been with my mum ( besides days here and there when traveling).

Now i've been gone 64 days and yes, its gone extremely quick BUT everyday i miss my mum.

I don't really show my emotions, publicly, often but being here i've learn that its okay to say how your feeling and express that you love those around you. I am really understanding myself more and more everyday.

Its all about self control and loving/being comftorable with who you are. I have a long way to come but i know that when i achieve this, i will be more than confident to be the real me. I can't wait to see what experiences and life lessons are built into my life. There is a plan, whoever is planning it for me, i hope they see my goals and aspirations. I will defiantly work harder than ever to fight for what i want.

Codie xo

9 weeks | UPDATE

UPDATE 

So far, life here has been pretty easy. I have made some lovely friends, i've adjusted with the driving and lifestyle here.

I can not believe its already over 2 months. I know that in 6 months time, i'll be freaking out because i know its time to prepare to come home! Being here i have learnt so much about myself and where i want my life to take me in the next few years.

I am already starting to think about my future goals and ambitions. I obviously want the best for myself and for my family to be proud.

Some say I should be focusing on whats going on here and around me. I am. But life doesn't stop. You know, i think to my self; the best way for me to get through any struggles or hard times and even the good times, is to think whats next. To think, if i achieve this moment, i will have so many opportunities at hand.

I have decided and will be buying the tickets for a YouTube Convention in California in June 2016 a few days after my 21st. I am beyond excited about this, i can not believe that i am evening have this opportunity! Like what?!

I believe i am settling in nicely with the kids and the area. They seem to enjoy my company and as i do with them. Life is busy and crazy but its exactly how i like it!

Life is going the way i hoped and planned it would. Yes theres things that i miss out on at home or family things but i tell myself its OKAY. Everyday is closer to proving i can do this and making my family proud.

I have a few goals I'm hoping to achieve by the time i do come home and then will continue from there.

I honestly do not know where life is going to take me or what my next step is but thats okay because i am enjoying right now and I'm loving it...

Something i am struggling with, STILL, is the time difference. This changed again and my brain can not gather everything. Its gone to a weird hour where when I'm waking up, everyones in bed ( besides morgan because she never sleeps) and then when the kids get home from school, everyones waking up which is an awkward time! So, really weekends are the best for me as i can stay up later.

BUT, in saying that, everyone is working nicely with me to make sure they know they are there and they have full understanding that I'm a world away, 15 hours behind and have no control!

Im happy.
Thats all i wanted.

Thank you to everyone who continues to support me everyday.

Love,
Codie
xoxoxo

my best-friend always. | 24.10.15

Always & Forever 

I have grown up so blessed with the people that have raised me. I have always been loved, safe and cherished. I do not think i could of had a better mother then mine; everything she did in her life was all about my brother and I. Everything she did was to give us a safe, loving home. I have always known and loved her for that BUT i have not appreciated it more than this moment. It only hit me today, i know 6 weeks in, that i am not with my mum everyday. I am not just around the corner or at the end of the hall. 

We have a bond that is unbreakable; distance or time will never break it. I have always said she is my best friend but it is only now i am realizing how true this is. She is my best best best friend. There is no body who i can trust, rely on or love more than her. 

I guess this is apart of growing up and realizing what you've got. My mum would have to be one of the most selfless, strong, independent, hard working mum's out there. I don't even know where to start when I explain the amazing things she does day in and day out. She has raised so many children in her time; biological, family or strangers. She's taken in strangers children, her family children and my friends in their need. 

Relationships aren't perfect, everyone has issues but i can truly say 95% of our relationship, is amazing. I appreciate my mum more than i could ever express on here. 

I think now being away from her, i have realized, you have ONE mum. Thats it. I made the decision to leave home for awhile, not because i wasn't happy at home or i didn't want to live there anymore, just because it was the journey i needed to take. My mum has supported me 100% the whole way, even if her own feelings were saying she doesn't want me to go. That shows how selfless she truly is.

When i think of the past, lets say 18 months, and how much my life has changed; the one thing that hasn't changed is the love and support from my mum. 

Even when i was making stupid decisions regarding a certain person, she knew that this was mistakes i needed to make but always stood behind me to support me. When i was probably at the hardest time in my life so far; which was when i couldn't get a job. For those who have gone through this and realise how hard it is emotionally and finically; you will understand what i am saying... 

My mum continued to support me finically even after i turned 18. She didn't have too. I have heard of so many parents saying its time to move on; your an adult now.. She was different, she made sure she could support me as much as she could... She was so proud of me the day i finally got a job. I had been looking and applying for 2 years at least with nothing and then i got a phone call and my life literally changed forever. Then i began traveling and studying during this time. I loved spending a week with my mum alone. It was the worst place to be but it didn't matter because i had time with her; just us two. Which if anyone knows us personally, that didn't happen to often because of our hectic lives.. 

She supported me on a dream that i always wanted to do. She knew i could do it and she is there every step of the way. 

All i want is to make her proud. If i do that, i am doing something right. 

I love my mum more than anything in this world and i just want to say thank you to her for always being by my side. You are the reason i am able to be the woman i am today and be able to love and care for people just like you. 

I love you.  

Honesty | 13.10.15

5 weeks. 

Tuesday 13.10.15

I have officially been here for 5 weeks today, as i am writing this. The last 5 weeks have been going extremely quick. I have worked, explored new things and met plenty of new people! I have had such an amazing experience so far. I know its only early on and i know that is there is going to be those hard days where everything seems like its falling apart and thats okay! I am learning and growing every single day. 

Most mornings i wake up at around 6/6:30 for work and i'm like ahh i'm way to tired!! But then i start my day and i realize how blessed I truly am. I can't believe  that for someone who grew up in a pretty "low" area; that i have made it to where i am so far. 

Thats really what I wanted to write about today. I'll say that I know that i'm only 20 and i've got so much to learn, see and experience; but so far, i've worked hard for life to go in my favor.. It was never easy.. I got to where i am because the people in my life worked hard and then i followed once i was old enough. 

I had to make decisions to not get involved in drugs, hard-core alcohol..Which could of been hard since everyone around my area at 15/16/17 were involved in that BUT i chose to not follow the stereo typical circle that society put our area in. I am so great full that i was raised in a way to be strong headed and know that i can do whatever i want to achieve! 

I am extremely proud of where i have come BUT in no way, was it handed to me or anything. It involved an extremely amount of hard work from my parents and myself.  

In no way do i feel like i am better than anyone else or am doing better things; but i truly believe i am doing whats best for ME. I feel like this year away is going to make me a person that has true independence and the ability to guide the rest of my life in a way that, hopefully, is how i want it to go.

For 2 years, i struggled for work and mentally/emotionally. I was not impressed with where i went in my life and honestly, who i surrounded myself with.. I have found how much i appreciate myself and life now that i've let go of certain people/things... I will never say i am perfect or my life is perfect but i am going to work EVERYDAY too make it half way perfect because I only want the best for me and the best for my family. What i do now in my life will impact me forever and I need to think that when I don't make the best of life, this day will never come back.... But then again, i need to remember; some days are hard! 

I have chosen to make life that way i want for ME.. I truly believe by eliminating a certain thing' pushed me to being the person i am now, 10 months later! 

I love writing here and I love being able to express how i am feeling.. 

Not everyday is going to be easy or perfect and thats OKAY! :) 

Have a beautiful day, 

Codie  

xoxox 

New York City Tour

  NEW YORK CITY! 

September 11 2015.

Yes, I went into the BIG APPLE! Um what?!

After a long few days of no sleep, hours & hours of studying, crazy people and HOT rooms; WE WENT TO THE CITY! 

Friday, September 11, 2015; with a big group of people i headed onto a bus and headed into the city! 

Once we got into the actual city, a tour guide got on and started to tell as all this stuff about the city; we seen things like; 

- Where men in black is recorded 

- Where sex and city apartment is 

- The friends fountain 

- Where John Lennon grew up 

- Gossip Girl Hotel (Kind of fan girl'd) 

We seen some AMAZING things but; I have no words to explain the main things we seen! 

STATUE OF LIBERTY! 

First Place we headed was too see the lady herself! 

Sadly, where i went you could hardly get a photo BUT, it was still amazing and i will totally be going there again on a boat tour! 

GROUND ZERO

There is no words for me to be able to explain the emotion of being in such an emotional place. 

The day I went, was the memorial of 14 years, since it happened. Honestly, i sort of felt disrespectful being there' i stood, prayed and left. I was there no more then 5 minutes, it didn't feel right me being there. Its hard to explain, but out of respect; we left.

#911neverforget

TIME SQAURE 

It is one of the biggest, world wide known place. I have never been "interested" in it as such but it was a crazy, colourful place! I feel privilaged to be able to go. I went mid afternoon and it was SO BUSY! can't even explain it! 

After Time Square; we went to ROCKEFELLER SQAURE. wow. I have no words to even describe the view and amazement i felt. Here is just a few photos to show what i seen! These photos do NO JUSTICE to the real thing! wow.

 Empire State Building 

 Central Park 

Just me with the Empire State Building 

Now, it was AMAZING; the experience was unexplainable.. It was near to PERFECT.

BUT.... 

Theres always a BUT... 

After the tour and the views... 

We went for dinner... 

IT WAS HORRIBLE.... 

I was extremely sick and will NEVER eat at that place again.. 

I would just like to say how SPECIAL i felt having this experience! I am so great full and 100% thank you for those who made this happen! It brings me to tears for the support my family, friends and everyone in my life that support my decisions! I LOVE YOU ALL! <3 

THE JOURNEY TO AMERICA - part two

FLYING & BAG LOSS! 

I boarded my flight at approximately 11am, which was delayed. I knew i was flying with somebody but had no idea what she looked like OR who she was so i just sat and waited by myself. 

I knew that this flight was going to be long BUT i had NO IDEA! So, if anyone has flown to America; they know that it is a long flight. 

My flight was approximately 15 hours in total. It was HORRIBLE! 

It wasn't horrible due to the time length.

I DID NOT SLEEP ONE MINUTE! 

That was horrible. It wasn't that i wasn't  trying or wasn't tired. I just couldn't sleep! 

- I watched 8 movies

- 3 TV episodes 

- Listened to music 

- Read 

- Coloured In 

- Ate 

But, i COULDN'T sleep.

It still hadn't really hit me where i was going but i was excited. I was excited to meet new people, a new city and just being there! 

BUT; 

Traveling was NOT over. 

After 15 hours, we landed in LA(Los angeles). The person and I who i finally found, started to FREAK OUT because we knew we had to RUN.

We had 30 minutes to; 

- Go through security 

- Go through customs

 - Get our bags 

- Get to a whole different part of the airport 

- Go through security again! 

- RUN! 

We got to the gate as doors where closing and our names were on FINAL call. I then realized my KINDLE was gone and i was DEVO. I couldn't believe i had left it on the plane. 

We got onto the plane and headed for New York City. It was another LONG 5 1/2 hours. Again, I did not sleep a WINK!

This means i travelled nearly 21 hours, with no sleep and it wasn't over! 

We went to luggage and guess what!

THEY LOST MY BAG!!!!!!

Yep, thats right. LA lost my luggage which meant it was still in LA and didn't make the flight.

So, after 21 hours of traveling, no sleep, no shower and late afternoon. I headed to the training school at Long Island, New York. 

Thats a whole other story! 

P.s My bag arrived. Oh but thanks DELTA! My laptop was smashed, bag was burnt, wheel missing and just DESTROYED.

P.s.s It didn't get any better. 

THE JOURNEY TO AMERICA - Part One

Saying Goodbye

On September 8 2015 at 7:30 we got into a taxi and headed to SYDNEY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. This wasn't just for a few week holiday or to drop someone off; I was going to AMERICA for 12 months! My emotions were really simple; i wasn't sad, scared or anxious; I had sort of an unknown feeling. 

I put my bag in, got myself checked in and then headed to have something to eat. As i sat down to eat, I was watching the time and thinking OH WOW. For the fact i had been counting down for MONTHS,  I couldn't believe I was staring at a screen that said 2 hours until my flight, I couldn't believe that i was actually there, waiting for this flight! 

At 9am, it was time to say goodbye to my beautiful friends and my mum that came too the airport with me. I said goodbye to those who i love the dearest. But, the moment I hugged my mum; the emotions i had been hiding come out flooding in tears. 

For those who don't know me; I am extremely close to my mum and she is my best-friend. I didn't think it would be as hard as it was to "walk away". I just walked forward and didn't turn around. 

I know that, now, I am strong enough to do this but i was very much doubting myself at the time. 

While I was in security I rang my dad and told him I loved him and let him know the plan. I then went through security and then got myself some magazines, a drink and gum. I then made some more phone calls, headed to my gate and waited..... 

I was heading to the complete UNKOWN and I was completely OK with it. I was ready!

Scarsdale, New York.

Fresh Start; Fresh Family; Fresh Country

 

Scarsdale, New York is exactly where I will start my journey as a new Au Pair.

 



Scarsdale, NY is in Northern New York. Scarsdale was founded in 1701. The distance between New York City is 42.9km (26.6miles) this is only 30 minutes away from the city!

 

This is just an idea of my area!





 

I will be here for approximately one year! I am very excited to experience such a beautiful "village" as they say. It is full of parks, community events, not far from the city oh and did I mention it SNOWS?!

 

What am I doing there?

 

I am going to be a full-time Au Pair for two young girls. They are 8 and 6 now. I am very excited as I am told they are beautiful, well-behaved children. Of course, I have the fear of rejection/not liking me BUT, I wouldn't of been chosen if they didn't believe I could do it! I am very excited to conquer head first this journey and give me 110%. I will also be studying in an American college. I am still undecided what I'll be doing as of yet BUT I'll of course blog about it!

I know there is going to be hard times, struggles but I also know it'll all be worth it in the end!

 

This was just a simple post for those who were wondering what exactly I am doing.

 

 

Cant wait for the journey ahead! Stay Tuned.

This is just the beginning! Codie x

 

 



Realistic Bucket List?

First things first,

Lets be realistic; this will ONLY happen if I work my but off and make it happen! I only have once chance and this is MY chance! I know these may not be in the order I wish, but who cares! ASLONG as I complete them all! :)

Each time I knock one of these off my list, a blog will be posted. I cant wait too continue too share my journey with those all over the world!

1.  Attend a Baseball game.
2. Attend a NFL game.
3. Attend a Basketball game.
4. Go to Rockefeller Centre
5. Go to Central Park
6. Go to Battery Park
7. Capture a photo of the "Statue of Liberty"
8. Go to ATLEAST ONE museum in New York.
9. Visit Ground Zero.
10. Join a local gym OR fitness group OR maybe even start one up!
11. Experience my first WHITE CHRISTMAS!! (Um what)
12. Attend Broadway.

My last one (for now) is a big one too me and its something i'll really have to work hard for and that's ATLEAST visit
13. 5 states in the year.

This is just the beginning guys!
Keep following <3

oh 19 DAYS! wow.

Codie

Bittersweet

23 days

 

 

Yes, its still 3 weeks and 2 days. In a sense, I feel like its flown but on the other hand I'm like "really?" "still that many days" but I am happy. Its another 23 days with those I love. Its sort of bittersweet embarking on a new chapter of life like this. I build my knowledge and see the world but I'm leaving my world behind?

To me, its not even just my family. Its my network. I've made some amazing contacts and friendships in the last year. I've built work relationships, that have formed to friendships. I've made friends with people who, a year ago, I probably would never of even spoke to.

 

They say too you "oh a year isn't that long!" Maybe in a life span it isn't, but when you look back on the things you have done in the last year, would you say things don't change? I'll list a few things that I've done/accomplished within the last 12 months or so.

 

1. Started a Law Advocacy diploma / about to graduate that.

2. Built new friendships 

3. Grew a lot of confidence

4. Started my job 

5. Learnt tolerance and appreciation

6. Brought my very own, expensive, car.

7. Got accepted into this Au Pair program

8. Matched with a family within a month!

9. Found a whole new love for myself and strength

10. Let go of ALL negativity in my life.

11. TRAVELLED OVERSEAS!

 

In number 2, I cant even express the words of how appreciative I am of those people who have come into my life in the last 18 months or so and made such a MASSIVE impact. You may not realise it but your the reason I am who I am today and making the decisions I am making. These women have gone out of their way too make sure I have the support I need, without even realising it.

 

I am bittersweet that all these positives are not "leaving" my life but are not going to be my everyday. BUT, in saying that I am so excited for what lies ahead. Who knows? I may come home with 50 new experiences in 18 months...

This is only the beginning,

CODIEx



Its because of you.

I don't even know where to start when I ask myself this question. Being grateful, has so many meanings to me. If anything, its WHOM I'm grateful off. I'm the type of person, that you know that "I love you" or you know that I care. I don't tell you every moment or even maybe not enough. But, if only some people realised how grateful I truly am of their on going commitment and trust in my choices. I honestly don't think my best way of saying it would be enough to say, thankyou. These people in my life, have let me be selfish, they have supported me in making positive choices for my near future. They have supported my doubts, my concerns and my excitement. What I love about these people, is even though they may not be ready to say "goodbye" they will. These people, are beautiful, selfless people. Is this one of my biggest concerns of saying goodbye? Hell yes, it sure is. But, what everyone needs to remember, its no where near saying "goodbye". It breaks my heart too think of the beautiful creations i'll be missing out on, the big milestones I have to sit out, the hard times I'm not physically able to support. My trust is in myself and in my heart, for my heart to be big enough and strong enough to grow. Strong enough to support, those I love.

I think this may be the biggest part of an Au Pair's life, a travellers life or even someone moving away for good. Is knowing that in the year away or how ever your gone, your going to miss out on things that you may never get back. I'll never get back, my beautiful friend, giving birth to her first child. Emotions roar when I think of what I'll miss out on, by being on this journey. But, then I think of the things ill be experiencing.

The new people, the new places, the new cultures, the new landmarks. Will that ever replace missing out on those special moments? No way. Though, it is okay. It is okay to be selfish and to be happy in what your doing with yourself.

In the time I've been preparing for my journey, I've had emotions all over the place but with the support I receive, in every part of my life, I know I'm going to be OK!

 I AM GRATEFUL.

I say thank you, to every single person that has supported me from the beginning, who is starting to support me now or who will be apart of my future.

For now,
Codie

Starting with today.

Today was one of those days were you do absolutely nothing but you don't care. I don't have those days very often and I quickly realised why I needed it. Today I laid in bed and reflected on the last few months, remembering the good and the bad. I laid there and quickly amazed myself with positivity and happiness. Before I know it, this journey in my life will be over and I'll soon be travelling on to a new destination. This destination Is one I have been planning on for a long time. This destination is one I have possibly read about everything you could think of. This destination I have dreamt and day dreamed about for a long time. Though today I realised I can never fully prepare myself for the journey ahead. Isn't it crazy as a human your mind can run wild and before you know it, you think its real? and you shake your ahead in disbelief because it could never be possible in your life? Sometimes I feel like that but then I come back to reality and it hits me. It is real. It is not a dream anymore. Its my REALITY.  In a short 43 days, this will be my reality. In 43 days, I will land in my new destination and I'll be starting all over again. Some ask, Codie aren't you scared? Who wouldn't be? I am taking myself from everything I know, my safe place to go to a whole new country. Not only will I be alone, but I will be learning everything from the start. My surroundings, my family, my home and most all of myself. I will be learning things about myself, that I would never have known if I stayed in my safe place. So, yes is the answer to that question. But, most of all I am excited of the unknown. I am anxious, kind of freaking out but most of all grateful. In the next 43 days, I will finish packing up my life, saying goodbye, kissing my family goodbye. It the next 43 days I will learn strength, I will learn to be okay with saying goodbye but most of all I will learn about love that I never knew existed. Love for my family and friends who are learning to let go of me and let me blossom. If its hard for me, I can only imagine the strength my family and friends must have for letting me go.

To the world, I am one person. To one person, I am the world.


A year ago, I dreamt about the unrealistic, today I dream about reality. My journey is only just beginning. To think in a years time, a may look at this and it all failed and I'm back home sitting at the desk where it all began OR I could be making my mark on the world and proving myself to not only me, my family but those who never believed. I believe the second option, is the most realistic. The second option is what I will thrive for each and every day. Believing in myself is the only option to be able face reality on the hard days, positivity will continue my path and make me live with no regret.

Keep Tuned,

This is only the beginning..

For Now,
Codie