13.11.15
It's about 9:03pm as i am writing this and I just got off Skype with someone i miss everyday! But chatting with her, made me realize the raw emotion that has been sitting deep down and i have finally let it be free.
I can still see the day i turned away from my mum. The lead up too it all, i was really confident and i can truly say i wasn't even nervous? I was just really ready!
We were sitting down having some breakfast, watching the screen click over and my emotions were still really calm! Then i looked up and it was 9am. I looked at my mum, laurel and michaela, I smiled and said its time!
I stood up, still feeling confident and good! Then i hugged both Michaela and Laurel said my goodbyes and hugs!
BUT, then i turned to my mum. I still TODAY, can feel in my heart; the sadness. When i hugged her and was saying goodbye, it felt like someone had ripped a part of me away! i broke down in tears and i hugged my mum tighter than ever!
It was at that moment, i realized i was actually leaving. I was actually going to the other side of the outside, without MY MUM! Heartache. Everyday of my life, i have been with my mum ( besides days here and there when traveling).
Now i've been gone 64 days and yes, its gone extremely quick BUT everyday i miss my mum.
I don't really show my emotions, publicly, often but being here i've learn that its okay to say how your feeling and express that you love those around you. I am really understanding myself more and more everyday.
Its all about self control and loving/being comftorable with who you are. I have a long way to come but i know that when i achieve this, i will be more than confident to be the real me. I can't wait to see what experiences and life lessons are built into my life. There is a plan, whoever is planning it for me, i hope they see my goals and aspirations. I will defiantly work harder than ever to fight for what i want.
Codie xo
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