my best-friend always. | 24.10.15

Always & Forever 

I have grown up so blessed with the people that have raised me. I have always been loved, safe and cherished. I do not think i could of had a better mother then mine; everything she did in her life was all about my brother and I. Everything she did was to give us a safe, loving home. I have always known and loved her for that BUT i have not appreciated it more than this moment. It only hit me today, i know 6 weeks in, that i am not with my mum everyday. I am not just around the corner or at the end of the hall. 

We have a bond that is unbreakable; distance or time will never break it. I have always said she is my best friend but it is only now i am realizing how true this is. She is my best best best friend. There is no body who i can trust, rely on or love more than her. 

I guess this is apart of growing up and realizing what you've got. My mum would have to be one of the most selfless, strong, independent, hard working mum's out there. I don't even know where to start when I explain the amazing things she does day in and day out. She has raised so many children in her time; biological, family or strangers. She's taken in strangers children, her family children and my friends in their need. 

Relationships aren't perfect, everyone has issues but i can truly say 95% of our relationship, is amazing. I appreciate my mum more than i could ever express on here. 

I think now being away from her, i have realized, you have ONE mum. Thats it. I made the decision to leave home for awhile, not because i wasn't happy at home or i didn't want to live there anymore, just because it was the journey i needed to take. My mum has supported me 100% the whole way, even if her own feelings were saying she doesn't want me to go. That shows how selfless she truly is.

When i think of the past, lets say 18 months, and how much my life has changed; the one thing that hasn't changed is the love and support from my mum. 

Even when i was making stupid decisions regarding a certain person, she knew that this was mistakes i needed to make but always stood behind me to support me. When i was probably at the hardest time in my life so far; which was when i couldn't get a job. For those who have gone through this and realise how hard it is emotionally and finically; you will understand what i am saying... 

My mum continued to support me finically even after i turned 18. She didn't have too. I have heard of so many parents saying its time to move on; your an adult now.. She was different, she made sure she could support me as much as she could... She was so proud of me the day i finally got a job. I had been looking and applying for 2 years at least with nothing and then i got a phone call and my life literally changed forever. Then i began traveling and studying during this time. I loved spending a week with my mum alone. It was the worst place to be but it didn't matter because i had time with her; just us two. Which if anyone knows us personally, that didn't happen to often because of our hectic lives.. 

She supported me on a dream that i always wanted to do. She knew i could do it and she is there every step of the way. 

All i want is to make her proud. If i do that, i am doing something right. 

I love my mum more than anything in this world and i just want to say thank you to her for always being by my side. You are the reason i am able to be the woman i am today and be able to love and care for people just like you. 

I love you.  

Honesty | 13.10.15

5 weeks. 

Tuesday 13.10.15

I have officially been here for 5 weeks today, as i am writing this. The last 5 weeks have been going extremely quick. I have worked, explored new things and met plenty of new people! I have had such an amazing experience so far. I know its only early on and i know that is there is going to be those hard days where everything seems like its falling apart and thats okay! I am learning and growing every single day. 

Most mornings i wake up at around 6/6:30 for work and i'm like ahh i'm way to tired!! But then i start my day and i realize how blessed I truly am. I can't believe  that for someone who grew up in a pretty "low" area; that i have made it to where i am so far. 

Thats really what I wanted to write about today. I'll say that I know that i'm only 20 and i've got so much to learn, see and experience; but so far, i've worked hard for life to go in my favor.. It was never easy.. I got to where i am because the people in my life worked hard and then i followed once i was old enough. 

I had to make decisions to not get involved in drugs, hard-core alcohol..Which could of been hard since everyone around my area at 15/16/17 were involved in that BUT i chose to not follow the stereo typical circle that society put our area in. I am so great full that i was raised in a way to be strong headed and know that i can do whatever i want to achieve! 

I am extremely proud of where i have come BUT in no way, was it handed to me or anything. It involved an extremely amount of hard work from my parents and myself.  

In no way do i feel like i am better than anyone else or am doing better things; but i truly believe i am doing whats best for ME. I feel like this year away is going to make me a person that has true independence and the ability to guide the rest of my life in a way that, hopefully, is how i want it to go.

For 2 years, i struggled for work and mentally/emotionally. I was not impressed with where i went in my life and honestly, who i surrounded myself with.. I have found how much i appreciate myself and life now that i've let go of certain people/things... I will never say i am perfect or my life is perfect but i am going to work EVERYDAY too make it half way perfect because I only want the best for me and the best for my family. What i do now in my life will impact me forever and I need to think that when I don't make the best of life, this day will never come back.... But then again, i need to remember; some days are hard! 

I have chosen to make life that way i want for ME.. I truly believe by eliminating a certain thing' pushed me to being the person i am now, 10 months later! 

I love writing here and I love being able to express how i am feeling.. 

Not everyday is going to be easy or perfect and thats OKAY! :) 

Have a beautiful day, 

Codie  

xoxox