EMOTIONS | 13.11.15

13.11.15

It's about 9:03pm as i am writing this and I just got off Skype with someone i miss everyday! But chatting with her, made me realize the raw emotion that has been sitting deep down and i have finally let it be free.

I can still see the day i turned away from my mum. The lead up too it all, i was really confident and i can truly say i wasn't even nervous? I was just really ready!

We were sitting down having some breakfast, watching the screen click over and my emotions were still really calm! Then i looked up and it was 9am. I looked at my mum, laurel and michaela, I smiled and said its time!

I stood up, still feeling confident and good! Then i hugged both Michaela and Laurel said my goodbyes and hugs!

BUT, then i turned to my mum. I still TODAY, can feel in my heart; the sadness. When i hugged her and was saying goodbye, it felt like someone had ripped a part of me away! i broke down in tears and i hugged my mum tighter than ever!

It was at that moment, i realized i was actually leaving. I was actually going to the other side of the outside, without MY MUM! Heartache. Everyday of my life, i have been with my mum ( besides days here and there when traveling).

Now i've been gone 64 days and yes, its gone extremely quick BUT everyday i miss my mum.

I don't really show my emotions, publicly, often but being here i've learn that its okay to say how your feeling and express that you love those around you. I am really understanding myself more and more everyday.

Its all about self control and loving/being comftorable with who you are. I have a long way to come but i know that when i achieve this, i will be more than confident to be the real me. I can't wait to see what experiences and life lessons are built into my life. There is a plan, whoever is planning it for me, i hope they see my goals and aspirations. I will defiantly work harder than ever to fight for what i want.

Codie xo

9 weeks | UPDATE

UPDATE 

So far, life here has been pretty easy. I have made some lovely friends, i've adjusted with the driving and lifestyle here.

I can not believe its already over 2 months. I know that in 6 months time, i'll be freaking out because i know its time to prepare to come home! Being here i have learnt so much about myself and where i want my life to take me in the next few years.

I am already starting to think about my future goals and ambitions. I obviously want the best for myself and for my family to be proud.

Some say I should be focusing on whats going on here and around me. I am. But life doesn't stop. You know, i think to my self; the best way for me to get through any struggles or hard times and even the good times, is to think whats next. To think, if i achieve this moment, i will have so many opportunities at hand.

I have decided and will be buying the tickets for a YouTube Convention in California in June 2016 a few days after my 21st. I am beyond excited about this, i can not believe that i am evening have this opportunity! Like what?!

I believe i am settling in nicely with the kids and the area. They seem to enjoy my company and as i do with them. Life is busy and crazy but its exactly how i like it!

Life is going the way i hoped and planned it would. Yes theres things that i miss out on at home or family things but i tell myself its OKAY. Everyday is closer to proving i can do this and making my family proud.

I have a few goals I'm hoping to achieve by the time i do come home and then will continue from there.

I honestly do not know where life is going to take me or what my next step is but thats okay because i am enjoying right now and I'm loving it...

Something i am struggling with, STILL, is the time difference. This changed again and my brain can not gather everything. Its gone to a weird hour where when I'm waking up, everyones in bed ( besides morgan because she never sleeps) and then when the kids get home from school, everyones waking up which is an awkward time! So, really weekends are the best for me as i can stay up later.

BUT, in saying that, everyone is working nicely with me to make sure they know they are there and they have full understanding that I'm a world away, 15 hours behind and have no control!

Im happy.
Thats all i wanted.

Thank you to everyone who continues to support me everyday.

Love,
Codie
xoxoxo

my best-friend always. | 24.10.15

Always & Forever 

I have grown up so blessed with the people that have raised me. I have always been loved, safe and cherished. I do not think i could of had a better mother then mine; everything she did in her life was all about my brother and I. Everything she did was to give us a safe, loving home. I have always known and loved her for that BUT i have not appreciated it more than this moment. It only hit me today, i know 6 weeks in, that i am not with my mum everyday. I am not just around the corner or at the end of the hall. 

We have a bond that is unbreakable; distance or time will never break it. I have always said she is my best friend but it is only now i am realizing how true this is. She is my best best best friend. There is no body who i can trust, rely on or love more than her. 

I guess this is apart of growing up and realizing what you've got. My mum would have to be one of the most selfless, strong, independent, hard working mum's out there. I don't even know where to start when I explain the amazing things she does day in and day out. She has raised so many children in her time; biological, family or strangers. She's taken in strangers children, her family children and my friends in their need. 

Relationships aren't perfect, everyone has issues but i can truly say 95% of our relationship, is amazing. I appreciate my mum more than i could ever express on here. 

I think now being away from her, i have realized, you have ONE mum. Thats it. I made the decision to leave home for awhile, not because i wasn't happy at home or i didn't want to live there anymore, just because it was the journey i needed to take. My mum has supported me 100% the whole way, even if her own feelings were saying she doesn't want me to go. That shows how selfless she truly is.

When i think of the past, lets say 18 months, and how much my life has changed; the one thing that hasn't changed is the love and support from my mum. 

Even when i was making stupid decisions regarding a certain person, she knew that this was mistakes i needed to make but always stood behind me to support me. When i was probably at the hardest time in my life so far; which was when i couldn't get a job. For those who have gone through this and realise how hard it is emotionally and finically; you will understand what i am saying... 

My mum continued to support me finically even after i turned 18. She didn't have too. I have heard of so many parents saying its time to move on; your an adult now.. She was different, she made sure she could support me as much as she could... She was so proud of me the day i finally got a job. I had been looking and applying for 2 years at least with nothing and then i got a phone call and my life literally changed forever. Then i began traveling and studying during this time. I loved spending a week with my mum alone. It was the worst place to be but it didn't matter because i had time with her; just us two. Which if anyone knows us personally, that didn't happen to often because of our hectic lives.. 

She supported me on a dream that i always wanted to do. She knew i could do it and she is there every step of the way. 

All i want is to make her proud. If i do that, i am doing something right. 

I love my mum more than anything in this world and i just want to say thank you to her for always being by my side. You are the reason i am able to be the woman i am today and be able to love and care for people just like you. 

I love you.  

Honesty | 13.10.15

5 weeks. 

Tuesday 13.10.15

I have officially been here for 5 weeks today, as i am writing this. The last 5 weeks have been going extremely quick. I have worked, explored new things and met plenty of new people! I have had such an amazing experience so far. I know its only early on and i know that is there is going to be those hard days where everything seems like its falling apart and thats okay! I am learning and growing every single day. 

Most mornings i wake up at around 6/6:30 for work and i'm like ahh i'm way to tired!! But then i start my day and i realize how blessed I truly am. I can't believe  that for someone who grew up in a pretty "low" area; that i have made it to where i am so far. 

Thats really what I wanted to write about today. I'll say that I know that i'm only 20 and i've got so much to learn, see and experience; but so far, i've worked hard for life to go in my favor.. It was never easy.. I got to where i am because the people in my life worked hard and then i followed once i was old enough. 

I had to make decisions to not get involved in drugs, hard-core alcohol..Which could of been hard since everyone around my area at 15/16/17 were involved in that BUT i chose to not follow the stereo typical circle that society put our area in. I am so great full that i was raised in a way to be strong headed and know that i can do whatever i want to achieve! 

I am extremely proud of where i have come BUT in no way, was it handed to me or anything. It involved an extremely amount of hard work from my parents and myself.  

In no way do i feel like i am better than anyone else or am doing better things; but i truly believe i am doing whats best for ME. I feel like this year away is going to make me a person that has true independence and the ability to guide the rest of my life in a way that, hopefully, is how i want it to go.

For 2 years, i struggled for work and mentally/emotionally. I was not impressed with where i went in my life and honestly, who i surrounded myself with.. I have found how much i appreciate myself and life now that i've let go of certain people/things... I will never say i am perfect or my life is perfect but i am going to work EVERYDAY too make it half way perfect because I only want the best for me and the best for my family. What i do now in my life will impact me forever and I need to think that when I don't make the best of life, this day will never come back.... But then again, i need to remember; some days are hard! 

I have chosen to make life that way i want for ME.. I truly believe by eliminating a certain thing' pushed me to being the person i am now, 10 months later! 

I love writing here and I love being able to express how i am feeling.. 

Not everyday is going to be easy or perfect and thats OKAY! :) 

Have a beautiful day, 

Codie  

xoxox 

New York City Tour

  NEW YORK CITY! 

September 11 2015.

Yes, I went into the BIG APPLE! Um what?!

After a long few days of no sleep, hours & hours of studying, crazy people and HOT rooms; WE WENT TO THE CITY! 

Friday, September 11, 2015; with a big group of people i headed onto a bus and headed into the city! 

Once we got into the actual city, a tour guide got on and started to tell as all this stuff about the city; we seen things like; 

- Where men in black is recorded 

- Where sex and city apartment is 

- The friends fountain 

- Where John Lennon grew up 

- Gossip Girl Hotel (Kind of fan girl'd) 

We seen some AMAZING things but; I have no words to explain the main things we seen! 

STATUE OF LIBERTY! 

First Place we headed was too see the lady herself! 

Sadly, where i went you could hardly get a photo BUT, it was still amazing and i will totally be going there again on a boat tour! 

GROUND ZERO

There is no words for me to be able to explain the emotion of being in such an emotional place. 

The day I went, was the memorial of 14 years, since it happened. Honestly, i sort of felt disrespectful being there' i stood, prayed and left. I was there no more then 5 minutes, it didn't feel right me being there. Its hard to explain, but out of respect; we left.

#911neverforget

TIME SQAURE 

It is one of the biggest, world wide known place. I have never been "interested" in it as such but it was a crazy, colourful place! I feel privilaged to be able to go. I went mid afternoon and it was SO BUSY! can't even explain it! 

After Time Square; we went to ROCKEFELLER SQAURE. wow. I have no words to even describe the view and amazement i felt. Here is just a few photos to show what i seen! These photos do NO JUSTICE to the real thing! wow.

 Empire State Building 

 Central Park 

Just me with the Empire State Building 

Now, it was AMAZING; the experience was unexplainable.. It was near to PERFECT.

BUT.... 

Theres always a BUT... 

After the tour and the views... 

We went for dinner... 

IT WAS HORRIBLE.... 

I was extremely sick and will NEVER eat at that place again.. 

I would just like to say how SPECIAL i felt having this experience! I am so great full and 100% thank you for those who made this happen! It brings me to tears for the support my family, friends and everyone in my life that support my decisions! I LOVE YOU ALL! <3 

THE JOURNEY TO AMERICA - part two

FLYING & BAG LOSS! 

I boarded my flight at approximately 11am, which was delayed. I knew i was flying with somebody but had no idea what she looked like OR who she was so i just sat and waited by myself. 

I knew that this flight was going to be long BUT i had NO IDEA! So, if anyone has flown to America; they know that it is a long flight. 

My flight was approximately 15 hours in total. It was HORRIBLE! 

It wasn't horrible due to the time length.

I DID NOT SLEEP ONE MINUTE! 

That was horrible. It wasn't that i wasn't  trying or wasn't tired. I just couldn't sleep! 

- I watched 8 movies

- 3 TV episodes 

- Listened to music 

- Read 

- Coloured In 

- Ate 

But, i COULDN'T sleep.

It still hadn't really hit me where i was going but i was excited. I was excited to meet new people, a new city and just being there! 

BUT; 

Traveling was NOT over. 

After 15 hours, we landed in LA(Los angeles). The person and I who i finally found, started to FREAK OUT because we knew we had to RUN.

We had 30 minutes to; 

- Go through security 

- Go through customs

 - Get our bags 

- Get to a whole different part of the airport 

- Go through security again! 

- RUN! 

We got to the gate as doors where closing and our names were on FINAL call. I then realized my KINDLE was gone and i was DEVO. I couldn't believe i had left it on the plane. 

We got onto the plane and headed for New York City. It was another LONG 5 1/2 hours. Again, I did not sleep a WINK!

This means i travelled nearly 21 hours, with no sleep and it wasn't over! 

We went to luggage and guess what!

THEY LOST MY BAG!!!!!!

Yep, thats right. LA lost my luggage which meant it was still in LA and didn't make the flight.

So, after 21 hours of traveling, no sleep, no shower and late afternoon. I headed to the training school at Long Island, New York. 

Thats a whole other story! 

P.s My bag arrived. Oh but thanks DELTA! My laptop was smashed, bag was burnt, wheel missing and just DESTROYED.

P.s.s It didn't get any better. 

THE JOURNEY TO AMERICA - Part One

Saying Goodbye

On September 8 2015 at 7:30 we got into a taxi and headed to SYDNEY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. This wasn't just for a few week holiday or to drop someone off; I was going to AMERICA for 12 months! My emotions were really simple; i wasn't sad, scared or anxious; I had sort of an unknown feeling. 

I put my bag in, got myself checked in and then headed to have something to eat. As i sat down to eat, I was watching the time and thinking OH WOW. For the fact i had been counting down for MONTHS,  I couldn't believe I was staring at a screen that said 2 hours until my flight, I couldn't believe that i was actually there, waiting for this flight! 

At 9am, it was time to say goodbye to my beautiful friends and my mum that came too the airport with me. I said goodbye to those who i love the dearest. But, the moment I hugged my mum; the emotions i had been hiding come out flooding in tears. 

For those who don't know me; I am extremely close to my mum and she is my best-friend. I didn't think it would be as hard as it was to "walk away". I just walked forward and didn't turn around. 

I know that, now, I am strong enough to do this but i was very much doubting myself at the time. 

While I was in security I rang my dad and told him I loved him and let him know the plan. I then went through security and then got myself some magazines, a drink and gum. I then made some more phone calls, headed to my gate and waited..... 

I was heading to the complete UNKOWN and I was completely OK with it. I was ready!