Its because of you.

I don't even know where to start when I ask myself this question. Being grateful, has so many meanings to me. If anything, its WHOM I'm grateful off. I'm the type of person, that you know that "I love you" or you know that I care. I don't tell you every moment or even maybe not enough. But, if only some people realised how grateful I truly am of their on going commitment and trust in my choices. I honestly don't think my best way of saying it would be enough to say, thankyou. These people in my life, have let me be selfish, they have supported me in making positive choices for my near future. They have supported my doubts, my concerns and my excitement. What I love about these people, is even though they may not be ready to say "goodbye" they will. These people, are beautiful, selfless people. Is this one of my biggest concerns of saying goodbye? Hell yes, it sure is. But, what everyone needs to remember, its no where near saying "goodbye". It breaks my heart too think of the beautiful creations i'll be missing out on, the big milestones I have to sit out, the hard times I'm not physically able to support. My trust is in myself and in my heart, for my heart to be big enough and strong enough to grow. Strong enough to support, those I love.

I think this may be the biggest part of an Au Pair's life, a travellers life or even someone moving away for good. Is knowing that in the year away or how ever your gone, your going to miss out on things that you may never get back. I'll never get back, my beautiful friend, giving birth to her first child. Emotions roar when I think of what I'll miss out on, by being on this journey. But, then I think of the things ill be experiencing.

The new people, the new places, the new cultures, the new landmarks. Will that ever replace missing out on those special moments? No way. Though, it is okay. It is okay to be selfish and to be happy in what your doing with yourself.

In the time I've been preparing for my journey, I've had emotions all over the place but with the support I receive, in every part of my life, I know I'm going to be OK!

 I AM GRATEFUL.

I say thank you, to every single person that has supported me from the beginning, who is starting to support me now or who will be apart of my future.

For now,
Codie

Starting with today.

Today was one of those days were you do absolutely nothing but you don't care. I don't have those days very often and I quickly realised why I needed it. Today I laid in bed and reflected on the last few months, remembering the good and the bad. I laid there and quickly amazed myself with positivity and happiness. Before I know it, this journey in my life will be over and I'll soon be travelling on to a new destination. This destination Is one I have been planning on for a long time. This destination is one I have possibly read about everything you could think of. This destination I have dreamt and day dreamed about for a long time. Though today I realised I can never fully prepare myself for the journey ahead. Isn't it crazy as a human your mind can run wild and before you know it, you think its real? and you shake your ahead in disbelief because it could never be possible in your life? Sometimes I feel like that but then I come back to reality and it hits me. It is real. It is not a dream anymore. Its my REALITY.  In a short 43 days, this will be my reality. In 43 days, I will land in my new destination and I'll be starting all over again. Some ask, Codie aren't you scared? Who wouldn't be? I am taking myself from everything I know, my safe place to go to a whole new country. Not only will I be alone, but I will be learning everything from the start. My surroundings, my family, my home and most all of myself. I will be learning things about myself, that I would never have known if I stayed in my safe place. So, yes is the answer to that question. But, most of all I am excited of the unknown. I am anxious, kind of freaking out but most of all grateful. In the next 43 days, I will finish packing up my life, saying goodbye, kissing my family goodbye. It the next 43 days I will learn strength, I will learn to be okay with saying goodbye but most of all I will learn about love that I never knew existed. Love for my family and friends who are learning to let go of me and let me blossom. If its hard for me, I can only imagine the strength my family and friends must have for letting me go.

To the world, I am one person. To one person, I am the world.


A year ago, I dreamt about the unrealistic, today I dream about reality. My journey is only just beginning. To think in a years time, a may look at this and it all failed and I'm back home sitting at the desk where it all began OR I could be making my mark on the world and proving myself to not only me, my family but those who never believed. I believe the second option, is the most realistic. The second option is what I will thrive for each and every day. Believing in myself is the only option to be able face reality on the hard days, positivity will continue my path and make me live with no regret.

Keep Tuned,

This is only the beginning..

For Now,
Codie